Tuesday, January 30, 2007

My Brother Esau

I have been perplexed for years by the story of Jacob and Esau. It's a story of betrayal, lying and outrright theft. But the liar, thief, betrayer is the chosen one, the father of the tribes.

Consider this for a while. Mom and dad both have their favorites. One, by tradition, will get the blessing and become the patriarch when dad kicks. The other takes advantage of his brother's hunger, deceives his father, runs off, marries his cousins and, eventually, comes to grips with the fact that the desert isn't big enough for him and his brother and he'd better go back and make peace.

"Esau holds a blessing; Brother Esau bears a curse.
I would say that the blame is mine But I suspect it's something worse.
The more my brother looks like me, The less I understand
The silent war that bloodied both our hands.
Sometimes at night, I think I understand." *
Finally, after getting his head together, Jake starts back home. Worried? No doubt. On the way, he wrestles with God. Now, about 30 years ago I knew a fella who wrestled professionally, Chris Multerer and I can honestly say he'd whup the tar out of anyone. The time he wrestled Jesse Ventura in '79 was a real hoot. But I digress...
Anyways, the notion of wrestling with God is where I was going. God clobbered Jake and let him live, dislocated his hip and sent him on his way. Jake hobbles off with his herds in front of him to make peace with his brother, who welcomes him with open arms and a heart of forgiveness. Esau has plenty and is just happy to see his lying, low-down brother.
But who does God pick? Yup, Jake. Why? Because, that's why. Jacob, now Israel, becomes a mighty nation and Esau is left to wander the world forever.
"It's brother to brother and it's man to man
And it's face to face and it's hand to hand...
We shadowdance the silent war within.
The shadowdance, it never ends...
Never ends, never ends.
Shadowboxing the Apocalypse
And wandering the land."*
*Words by John Perry Barlow
Copyright Ice Nine Publishing; used by permission

Thursday, January 04, 2007

I Don't know...

For some reason, life is kicking my sorry butt right now. Nothing seems right, the things I live are somehow askew, the everpresent God is, somehow, out in the ether somewhere. Love and joy are, somehow, amiss.

Don't get me wrong. I live for acceptance. I struggle for peace. I pray for forgiveness. But, yet... And, yet...

Why am I out on the streets? Why is a good night's sleep so hard to find? Why does God seem so far away?

I mean, I call him and get no answer. I laugh and tell a joke and say, "That's pretty funny, eh?" ahd get nothing. I cry and get no comfort.

I cry and get no comfort.

Some tell me all kinds of explanations for it. Most have an answer. Everyone says pretty much the same thing...

"God ain't listening, boy. Stop whining and get on with it."

Ok, so I get on with it. Now what?